Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true! I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! Thank you, steal again. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.
I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. I was saying “Boo-urns.” I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction.
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Me fail English? That’s unpossible. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. Thank you, steal again. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.
Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.